Five months

Dear Jess,

Graham is five months old today! These last five months have really flown, and little Byrd has really grown.

He loves to be naked.

He’s more curious than ever. Into everything, and you can tell he’ll be excited to eat real food, when the time comes because one of his favorite ninja moves is grabbing your dinner plate and jerking it off the table. His hair is still growing and his fingernails have to be trimmed multiple times a week. He’s just as smiley as ever, but much more demanding, and quicker to let you know if he doesn’t like something. He’s a happy, healthy, typical five month old. You’re blessed and you know it, but, coming out of the fourth trimester has been brutal and your days are all a blurry repeat of the ones before.

Don’t forget that this was the month you finally decided it was ok to go back to run group and his response was to go on a nursing strike which has you both pretty out of sorts and emotional.

He lives in the ring slings you felt guilty spending money on. You literally do not know how you would get anything done, or even survive a day, without them and you’re eyeing another because the brand is called Wild Bird.

No, really.

He is super mommy attached and sleeps well as long as he is on you or beside you, but those are your only two options if you want a happy Byrd.

The big kids adore him (still) and every morning when they wake up they run in to see him. Minus Coop, who’s already in your bed. Try to always remember their fresh sleep eyes, and baby talk voices, and the huge smile he gives them every time. It’s the best kind of morning routine. Don’t forget that without Mckenzie’s constant, sweet help you would shrivel up and die. She fills in all of the spaces where you fall short, at only ten years old.

Aarik enjoys this stage more than anything and melts for the toothless grin just as fast as the rest of the family.

When you look back and remember all of the sweet things, don’t forget how exhausted you and Aarik are right now while he works at least ten hours a day, at least six days a week. What it’s like to have no breaks. How you’re blogging from your phone while you sit in the kids’ bedroom floor with them on a Saturday morning; surrounded by Legos and a screaming two year old, with that fluffy baby on your lap and a diet mountain dew close by. One of two you can have all day without turning Graham into an angry maniac. You’re home alone with the kids during those long hours Aarik works, trying to run your home and keep up with everyone’s school. The house is always a mess and you’re always cleaning. Errands cut into the little family time you get. It’s lonely, and so many days have tears. After four years in this house, you still miss having friends and a close knit church community.

Don’t forget that, because one day you may be given an opportunity to love on and be friends with a mama who needs more than an obligatory smile in passing.

Remember that five months in to life with five kids everything is beautiful. And hard. You’re proud, and happy, and tired. Remember that Graham has brought more joy than you thought possible and you wouldn’t change it for the world.


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